names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
