just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
