shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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