He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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