my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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