And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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