Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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