Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize