you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize