My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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