It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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