my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
