I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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