So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
