I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
