he wants to bone in the snuggie
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
