So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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