guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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