dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
