You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
