i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize