Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your cock deserves a montage
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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