oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
