Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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