why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
