And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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