I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
