youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
