well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
