After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
