She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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