he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
