Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
