put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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