its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
