Your dad touched me again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can't just leave with hair like that
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
