Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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