I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
