real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize