grandma shit on top of the toilet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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