We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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