That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize