He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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