there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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