can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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