ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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