he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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