Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
