fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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