New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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