K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
