Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
