and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
