i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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