Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
