Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

my head looks like a cockatoo

(1-305): View more from Florida

mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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(410): View more from Maryland

it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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(404): View more from Georgia

can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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(972): View more from Texas

I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.

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(972): View more from Texas

In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.

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