Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
