Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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