I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
