took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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