I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
