OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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