I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
