girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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