you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
