What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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