Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize