The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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