My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
