so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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